


Success

by smallbrownfrog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Community: severus_sighs, Gen, Snape-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallbrownfrog/pseuds/smallbrownfrog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus keeps trying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Success

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Severus Sighs Angst Fest

Sometimes Severus thinks he has been trying to kill himself for longer than he can remember. He’s just never been any good at it. He’s never been any good at anything that mattered.

He has tried so many times. Attacking his father with five year old fists, hexing all four Marauders at once, crawling down past the willow to the werewolf’s lair, making an unbreakable vow he didn’t intend to honor: it was never quite enough. Always Severus was left alive and humiliated: in hospital being grilled by a social worker, hanging upside down with his robes half off, sulking furiously in Dumbledore’s office, fleeing Hogwarts like a frightened dog.

He has given in so many times, and each time slunk off alive. Albus had said he was sorted wrong, but no Gryffindor would have failed to leap so many times. No Gryffindor would use dull blades that hurt but didn’t cut. Severus knew he was no Gryffindor.

Yet he kept trying. He played for years at lying to a madman. (He no longer knew if he was lying to Albus or lying to the Dark Lord. Surely either one would do. Surely either one of them could snap him in half like a brittle wand.)

Slowly he whetted the blades he played with. Each risk was honed a little sharper. Finally Severus had won.

So now he’s here, cut open and gutted with no way back. He’s far from the bezoars and antidotes he’s been too careful to carry. The boy has left him here. After a long cold stare the boy has left him here. Severus wants to live.


End file.
